Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
