how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
