proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
