i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
