I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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