I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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