I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Randomize
