I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
