drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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