so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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