Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
