I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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