So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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