I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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