when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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