Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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