all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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