Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
