Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
