Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
