Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
