You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
