I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
