Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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