just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
