he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
