The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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