I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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