I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
