God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
