I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
