i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
