exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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