You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
