one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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