we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Green mimosas i think yes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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