my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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