Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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