I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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