the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
