And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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