I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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