someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
this hospital has no fireball
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize