im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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