are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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