Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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