we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
