i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We're not piercing ourselves today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
