I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
