I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
