i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
