He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
