she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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