I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
