I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
