So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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