I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
