When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
