i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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