I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
