i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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