I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
