hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
