That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
