Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
