Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
