I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
