I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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