you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
