I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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