dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize