whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
